Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. (Psalm 42:7 NIV)
Carol Ann, a commercial fishing vessel that my uncle named after me, losing the battle to stay afloat (photograph by Jay Fleming Photography http://jayflemmingphotography
We all have our battles to go through. Some are small and insignificant and we won’t even think about them this time next year. Others are ongoing…not unlike waves breaking over a bow of a boat, over and over again. We grow tired of the same old battles that seem to rear their ugly heads just when we thought we had them undertow. It’s humbling for sure. We know that those are coming back again for us, until we learn whatever lesson(s) Our Great God is trying to get through to us. We don’t like admitting defeat. We don’t like asking for help. In this Pinterest/Instagram world, we believe the lie that says everyone has it all together and figured out but us, and that’s the big secret that we try to keep hidden away. We ask, “What’s wrong with me?”
We’re sinful, but so is the makeup wiz on Tik Tok and ‘God’s gift to motherhood on YouTube! We are all pretty messed up! No one gets a hall pass to Heaven here! If we want to get in, we all have to come by the same ol’ way…the blood. That’s right! “Without the shedding of blood, there can be no forgiveness of sins.” (Hebrews 9:22)
What blood? The blood of Jesus Christ. There’s no other way. No other way. Period. “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me!” (John 14:6 NIV)
Without the blood we are all floundering through life…trying to make all our hard work look good enough to get us into Heaven. The take away from that scenario..emptiness.
The stern of the “Carol Ann” washed up on land (Photo by Wendy Mooers)
Without the blood we shipwreck our faith. We run aground and run ourselves ragged looking for ways to fulfill our dreams only to come up short. Sure, to some onlookers it looks commendable, but there, inside the deep, we know something isn’t right. We are exhausted and have exhausted every possible aid.
“Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horseman, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the LORD!” (Isaiah 31:1 KJV Blue Letter Bible)
Why do we do this? Why is it when we have an all powerful God, we tend to look to other gods for our help? We get on the phone and talk about it, we Google it, we go to food, alcohol, pills, pornography, Amazon…and even our own feeble supply of strength. You get the point. We won’t come to Him, and that’s a shame. Oswald Chambers said it this way, “Is it not humiliating to be told that we must come to Jesus! Think of the things we will not come to Jesus Christ about. If you want to know how real you are, test yourself by these words — “Come unto Me.” In every degree in which you are not real, you will dispute rather than come, you will quibble rather than come, you will go through sorrow rather than come; you will do anything rather than come the last lap of unutterable foolishness.”
We won’t come because we don’t know God. We don’t know the depths of His love. We don’t believe He will love anymore or in the same way. We don’t know His grace…His mercy…His forgiveness. We believe the lies that Satan whispers in our souls that, this sin, whatever it is, has breached the limit of His forgiveness. We can’t possibly go to Him now! And we don’t. A tragedy for sure. We fall into this trap because we aren’t praying. If we were we would know Him. If we know Him, we have the understanding that His grace has no limit. It’s when we won’t come to Him we should worry.
It’s an old tactic of the enemy to shame us into not coming to our Heavenly Father. Don’t fall for it! Do you remember in the garden? Adam and Eve hid from God when He came around to walk with them like He would normally do. The sin that promises to open your eyes to possibilities, closes your eyes to truth. The truth-He loves you now and will never stop! He yearns to be with you to give you all He has and is! Do you have children? It thrills me to no end to give them all they need and then some. How much more does God? Jesus put it like this, “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”Luke 11:11-13
“When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. Moses said to them, “It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat.” Exodus 16:15 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/exo.16.15.NIV
Manna box
Bare with me while I attempt to explain this journey that I’m currently on, without saying too much, because it’s very personal. The fact that it isn’t over yet, makes it hard to explain. It’s the kind of journey that would make for a good movie or a real page turner. It has it all, not unlike the story of the Israelites, in the desert, on their way to the land that had been promised to them. Like on any journey or adventure there is a lot of unexpected events along the way. I’m suddenly reminded of a certain hobbit from the shire on another, unexpected journey! In other words, you would be getting your money’s worth if you were watching this story unfold at a movie theater, but it stops being entertaining and moves to daily panic mode, when all of the plot twists are happening in your own life. The unforeseen can make us weak in the knees, and when that happens we drop to them. Even now, writing about it makes me feel a little gitty and nauseous. I guess it’s like that saying, “If the dream that you have doesn’t make you feel a little queasy, then you should probably find a different dream.” This dream was once a thought, an idea, that found me. I didn’t go looking for it. Then it was a picture that would pop up in my mind that had to be prayed about to see if it was in fact, from God. I had to work it out in my mind. Anything that drops in our heads, as followers of Christ needs to be screened. “Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 Bible Gateway.com) Having a good vision of the future can be a little like falling in love. You feel nervous talking about it because you don’t quite know what to expect. You don’t want to say too much too soon, for fear of jinxing it..or, maybe you’re just the quiet type and it’s not anyone’s business anyway! The most common obstacle for me in discerning if something is from The Lord, is simply thinking that I misunderstood or misinterpreted it, as something from God. This vision was a beautiful one. One I immediately gave thanks and praise for. However, this story (dream) is not playing out the way I thought, and I’m feeling like one of the weary Israelite travelers asking myself and God, “What is it?” or, what was that? Now it’s a matter of faith.
So like I said, the adventure I’m on started with just a nudge, an intuition. When The Lord gives you a sign, dream or vision, if you are like me you wonder right away…okay…what do I do with this!? The tricky thing is, He may not want you to do anything at all! Truth. He may want you to set with it awhile. Meditate on it. Pray about it, for days, weeks, or even years!! I don’t know about you, but that’s hard for me! When I hear from God I want to share it! Hearing from God excites me! After all, there was that whole thing about shouting it from the rooftops! Especially, if it’s a good word from The Lord. “Consequently, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. … Thus faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the word of Christ.” (Romans 10:17 Bible Hub.com) Seriously, this type of situation, where I need to just be still and hush, is a lot harder for me than I would have suspected. However, this last vision and word I received from the Lord, is the only time that it might have been best to keep my mouth shut. The other times God has given me a word of knowledge, it has been for the edification of another or a warning to a church. I’m clearly still learning. I feel the sting of, God desiring obedience over sacrifice. (1 Samuel 15:21) My emotions and feelings can get in the way with this, clearly. God gives you gifts that seem too much for you to handle at times-when you are handling it the flesh, that is. However, in the spirit, we have all we need to discern how to use what we have been given by our Father.
Our beautiful daughter, Elizabeth aboard her Daddy’s boat, Circuit Rider
The Bible is full of stories where God chose to let a person(s) know something that was way bigger than anything they could have imagined. God told Abraham to leave his home and go to a place that He would show him and that He would give him descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky, even though his wife Sarah was barren! God told Moses that He was about to lead the whole Israelite nation, that had been enslaved in Egypt for the last 400 years, to freedom…through him! There are so many more…Gideon was told by The Angel of The Lord, that he was in fact a “mighty warrior” while he was hiding like a coward in a winepress. David was Israel’s most beloved king, even though he was thought of as the least important in his family. The prophet Jeremiah was told by God not to feel inadequate because he was only a youngster, and that He was about to make him into a great prophet. All of these chosen ones were given larger than life missions and titles. Why are we so surprised and unbelieving when God tells us His plan for our lives? We are also chosen.
Our beautiful daughters, Emma and Elizabeth on the bow of the Circuit Rider, headed for Smith Island
So, last fall when it seemed like our lives were falling apart was when The Lord gave me this new hope. I would remind myself about it often, because well…I needed hope. Have you ever had God throw out a lifeline at the last moment? Well, this hope took on a life of it’s own! It caused me to get excited about life again, after years of bitterness. New life was breathed into my lungs, I could see the goodness of God chasing after me again. I felt renewed like the dawn. I had broken free from doubt, insecurities and failure. But, there was a big obstacle I didn’t yet take into consideration, namely, the people in this story and the forces of darkness. Yeah, kind of a big deal to leave those out! Truth is no matter how excited you get about your vision from God doesn’t mean others will. Especially, when God didn’t clue them in on this vision (hasn’t yet, anyway) and it’s gonna effect them greatly. There may be pushback. There was pushback. Truth be told…this isn’t my story. It was my vision, but not my story. It’s someone else’s story and God chose to tell ME and show ME what He means to happen in THEIR lives! Yes, this vision will also effect me personally, but seriously?! This is we’re it gets good…but not for me. I told the person what God showed me…(shouldn’t have) thinking they were going to be so thrilled.(Not quite) To this person it was just a suggestion, not set in stone and they had a choice over their life, of course. Hello…freewill is still a thing, right? Of course it is. I wish I had Tim Keller’s theological mind for all of this, but I’m doing the best I can at the moment. This is new territory for me. I’ve never been here before, with something so precious. Someone’s future is very precious, isn’t it? So, when I waltz in and start saying, “Thus saith The Lord,” well, it can be accepted and moved on in faith or it can be rejected and stamped out. It’s pretty scary for the messenger. After all, the person(s) I told this to is very important to me. I no doubt, wanted the hearer to thank me for sharing this amazing miracle with them. Ideally, I wanted them to give praise to God, who is so good to reveal what He is doing in their lives. I wasn’t like Jonah. I wanted them to respond accordingly, without turning away! I wanted them to throw theirselves in wild, reckless abandon to the truth! But, unfortunately that hasn’t happened yet.
Tide up on Tylerton. Everett watching on as Elizabeth walks along bulkhead.
So there’s that obstacle, but that’s not the only one. There’s the unforeseen forces of darkness that are always at work around us, seeking to steal any good word and gift away from us. They start sowing doubt in our minds, when the word or vision wasn’t accepted the way we would want. It causes you to second guess what you heard. Battling in the spiritual realm is something I’m not new to but, this time, yeah well…let’s just say I didn’t pass the test! I went and opened my big mouth when I shouldn’t have. Those evil forces made it seem like every word of encouragement was just static interference. It felt unappreciated, unwelcome. Hard to put words back into your mouth once they’re out there. Hard to make someone choose God’s will. They have to choose it. To be fair, they have to hear from God theirselves. We should not be someone’s amateur providence (My Utmost for His Highest August 1) We need to pray for them if they haven’t had confirmation from God yet. Never force it. I forced. I was excited, but no excuse. I know that now. Hard lesson learned. I got in the way.
So now I wait patiently and pray some more. I pray that The Lord will bring confirmation. I pray that The Lord will be gracious to me for failing Him, and forgive me for speaking when I should’ve stayed silent. I pray that God is working out all of the wrinkles as I’m typing this and that God will remind me that whatever He says, He will do..even now. Even though. Over here working out my faith in big ways and that’s what it is!
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