“When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. Moses said to them, “It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat.”
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭16‬:‭15‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/exo.16.15.NIV

Bare with me while I attempt to explain this journey that I’m currently on, without saying too much, because it’s very personal. The fact that it isn’t over yet, makes it hard to explain. It’s the kind of journey that would make for a good movie or a real page turner. It has it all, not unlike the story of the Israelites, in the desert, on their way to the land that had been promised to them. Like on any journey or adventure there is a lot of unexpected events along the way. I’m suddenly reminded of a certain hobbit from the shire on another, unexpected journey! In other words, you would be getting your money’s worth if you were watching this story unfold at a movie theater, but it stops being entertaining and moves to daily panic mode, when all of the plot twists are happening in your own life. The unforeseen can make us weak in the knees, and when that happens we drop to them. Even now, writing about it makes me feel a little gitty and nauseous. I guess it’s like that saying, “If the dream that you have doesn’t make you feel a little queasy, then you should probably find a different dream.” This dream was once a thought, an idea, that found me. I didn’t go looking for it. Then it was a picture that would pop up in my mind that had to be prayed about to see if it was in fact, from God. I had to work it out in my mind. Anything that drops in our heads, as followers of Christ needs to be screened. “Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 Bible Gateway.com) Having a good vision of the future can be a little like falling in love. You feel nervous talking about it because you don’t quite know what to expect. You don’t want to say too much too soon, for fear of jinxing it..or, maybe you’re just the quiet type and it’s not anyone’s business anyway! The most common obstacle for me in discerning if something is from The Lord, is simply thinking that I misunderstood or misinterpreted it, as something from God. This vision was a beautiful one. One I immediately gave thanks and praise for. However, this story (dream) is not playing out the way I thought, and I’m feeling like one of the weary Israelite travelers asking myself and God, “What is it?” or, what was that? Now it’s a matter of faith.

So like I said, the adventure I’m on started with just a nudge, an intuition. When The Lord gives you a sign, dream or vision, if you are like me you wonder right away…okay…what do I do with this!? The tricky thing is, He may not want you to do anything at all! Truth. He may want you to set with it awhile. Meditate on it. Pray about it, for days, weeks, or even years!! I don’t know about you, but that’s hard for me! When I hear from God I want to share it! Hearing from God excites me! After all, there was that whole thing about shouting it from the rooftops! Especially, if it’s a good word from The Lord. “Consequently, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. … Thus faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the word of Christ.” (Romans 10:17 Bible Hub.com) Seriously, this type of situation, where I need to just be still and hush, is a lot harder for me than I would have suspected. However, this last vision and word I received from the Lord, is the only time that it might have been best to keep my mouth shut. The other times God has given me a word of knowledge, it has been for the edification of another or a warning to a church. I’m clearly still learning. I feel the sting of, God desiring obedience over sacrifice. (1 Samuel 15:21) My emotions and feelings can get in the way with this, clearly. God gives you gifts that seem too much for you to handle at times-when you are handling it the flesh, that is. However, in the spirit, we have all we need to discern how to use what we have been given by our Father.

The Bible is full of stories where God chose to let a person(s) know something that was way bigger than anything they could have imagined. God told Abraham to leave his home and go to a place that He would show him and that He would give him descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky, even though his wife Sarah was barren! God told Moses that He was about to lead the whole Israelite nation, that had been enslaved in Egypt for the last 400 years, to freedom…through him! There are so many more…Gideon was told by The Angel of The Lord, that he was in fact a “mighty warrior” while he was hiding like a coward in a winepress. David was Israel’s most beloved king, even though he was thought of as the least important in his family. The prophet Jeremiah was told by God not to feel inadequate because he was only a youngster, and that He was about to make him into a great prophet. All of these chosen ones were given larger than life missions and titles. Why are we so surprised and unbelieving when God tells us His plan for our lives? We are also chosen.

So, last fall when it seemed like our lives were falling apart was when The Lord gave me this new hope. I would remind myself about it often, because well…I needed hope. Have you ever had God throw out a lifeline at the last moment? Well, this hope took on a life of it’s own! It caused me to get excited about life again, after years of bitterness. New life was breathed into my lungs, I could see the goodness of God chasing after me again. I felt renewed like the dawn. I had broken free from doubt, insecurities and failure. But, there was a big obstacle I didn’t yet take into consideration, namely, the people in this story and the forces of darkness. Yeah, kind of a big deal to leave those out! Truth is no matter how excited you get about your vision from God doesn’t mean others will. Especially, when God didn’t clue them in on this vision (hasn’t yet, anyway) and it’s gonna effect them greatly. There may be pushback. There was pushback. Truth be told…this isn’t my story. It was my vision, but not my story. It’s someone else’s story and God chose to tell ME and show ME what He means to happen in THEIR lives! Yes, this vision will also effect me personally, but seriously?! This is we’re it gets good…but not for me. I told the person what God showed me…(shouldn’t have) thinking they were going to be so thrilled.(Not quite) To this person it was just a suggestion, not set in stone and they had a choice over their life, of course. Hello…freewill is still a thing, right? Of course it is. I wish I had Tim Keller’s theological mind for all of this, but I’m doing the best I can at the moment. This is new territory for me. I’ve never been here before, with something so precious. Someone’s future is very precious, isn’t it? So, when I waltz in and start saying, “Thus saith The Lord,” well, it can be accepted and moved on in faith or it can be rejected and stamped out. It’s pretty scary for the messenger. After all, the person(s) I told this to is very important to me. I no doubt, wanted the hearer to thank me for sharing this amazing miracle with them. Ideally, I wanted them to give praise to God, who is so good to reveal what He is doing in their lives. I wasn’t like Jonah. I wanted them to respond accordingly, without turning away! I wanted them to throw theirselves in wild, reckless abandon to the truth! But, unfortunately that hasn’t happened yet.

So there’s that obstacle, but that’s not the only one. There’s the unforeseen forces of darkness that are always at work around us, seeking to steal any good word and gift away from us. They start sowing doubt in our minds, when the word or vision wasn’t accepted the way we would want. It causes you to second guess what you heard. Battling in the spiritual realm is something I’m not new to but, this time, yeah well…let’s just say I didn’t pass the test! I went and opened my big mouth when I shouldn’t have. Those evil forces made it seem like every word of encouragement was just static interference. It felt unappreciated, unwelcome. Hard to put words back into your mouth once they’re out there. Hard to make someone choose God’s will. They have to choose it. To be fair, they have to hear from God theirselves. We should not be someone’s amateur providence (My Utmost for His Highest August 1) We need to pray for them if they haven’t had confirmation from God yet. Never force it. I forced. I was excited, but no excuse. I know that now. Hard lesson learned. I got in the way.

So now I wait patiently and pray some more. I pray that The Lord will bring confirmation. I pray that The Lord will be gracious to me for failing Him, and forgive me for speaking when I should’ve stayed silent. I pray that God is working out all of the wrinkles as I’m typing this and that God will remind me that whatever He says, He will do..even now. Even though. Over here working out my faith in big ways and that’s what it is!

-Carole Ann Landon

Pictures by: Carole Ann Landon

Small Beginnings Blog Post #11

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