I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have wanted to start my own blog- one word..Procrastination. Ugh! Why do we do that when we know that there is something really great waiting in the wings. If you are like me I will have a really great idea and talk myself out of it almost as soon as It starts! I don’t have the best confidence.

I believe that if someone asked me “why now?” I would have to say that it would probably have something to do with the retreat I recently went on. My husband and I went on one of those weekend retreats that featured Neil Anderson, author of The Bondage Breaker and Victory Over the Darkness. We have so much respect and admire him so much. He isn’t one of those self-help, you can do anything types..he comes more along the line of who you are in Christ.

It kinda shocked me that after 20 years of ministry and 27 years as a Christian I had never realized who I am in Christ and what the Bible has to say about it! Of course, I have read Psalm 139 and Ephesians 2:10 but sadly I was living a legalistic, self-condemning life. My husband was always telling me that I am way too hard on myself. Like I said, that retreat really was the start of things changing in my mind. About a month later, a little over a week ago, to be exact, I had an encounter with God during my devotional time one morning. Everything I read or heard was dealing with idolatry. God gently convicted me that idolatry was very present in my life.

Did you know that you can be totally depleted of all confidence and think that you are a greenhorn and still be worshiping yourself? Well, I didn’t! I remember one of the most memorable times during my long bout of depression was when my therapist at the time, asked me what I needed help with and I said, “I just want to be normal and be able to go to the store or pump gas and not feel like everyone is watching me!” What he said after that changed my life. He said, “You think you are pretty special don’t you!? I’m pretty sure at the time I thought I should get my money back from that session! I know now that he was absolutely brilliant for telling me that.

When your mind is so focused on yourself, good or bad it’s still ON YOU! We can’t properly think about God and seek to know His will if we are always panicked over how we look to other people. Remember these words from the apostle Paul: Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.(Bible Gateway NKJV;KJV)

Also, if we are spending our lives out as Jesus taught us with the Holy Spirit filling like a river, we should have very little time to worry. I pray that in the future I will take hold of this truth when the waves of disappointment and judgmental thinking starts to creep back. I will resolve to take every thought captive and come boldly to his throne.

So, here it is, my first blog post and I’m putting it out there for all to see! Because there really is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.